Det sto en artikkel i BT om dette å ha medfølelse for seg selv:
http://www.bt.no/nyheter/innsikt/Ikke-var-sa-slem-mot-deg-selv-3260581.html#.VJ_7fr1w11Y.facebook
Litt morsomt for dette snakket psykologen om for ikke lenge siden.
På en annen nettside (http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/06/27/5-strategies-for-self-compassion/) fant jeg dette:
[...] self-compassion consists of three components:
- Self-kindness: Being kind, gentle and understanding with yourself when you’re suffering.
- Common humanity: Realizing that you’re not alone in your struggles. When we’re struggling, we tend to feel especially isolated. We think we’re the only ones to experience loss, make mistakes, feel rejected or fail. But it’s these very struggles that are part of our shared experience as humans.
- Mindfulness: Observing life as it is, without being judgemental or suppressing your thoughts and feelings.
Myths about Self-Compassion
Because beating ourselves up is so entrenched in our society, you still might be suspicious of self-compassion. Below, Neff dispels common myths that may stand in the way of people being kinder to themselves.
Myth: Self-compassion is self-pitying or egocentric.
Fact: Self-pity is being immersed in your own problems and forgetting that others struggle, too, Neff said. However, being self-compassionate is seeing things exactly as they are — no more and no less, she said. It means acknowledging that you’re suffering, while acknowledging that others have similar problems or are suffering even more. It’s putting your problems into perspective.
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Myth: Self-compassion is self-indulgent.
Fact: Being self-compassionate doesn’t mean solely seeking pleasure, Neff said. It’s not shirking responsibilities or being slothful. Rather, self-compassion focuses on alleviating suffering. From this perspective, you consider whether something will hurt you in the long run, she said.
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Myth: Self-criticism is an effective motivator.
Fact: There’s actually nothing motivating about criticizing yourself, Neff said, because it makes you fear failure and lose faith in yourself. Even if you do achieve great things, you’re often miserable, anyway.
It’s interesting that in other areas of our lives we understand that being harsh doesn’t work. Take the example of parenting. Decades ago, we thought that harsh punishment and criticism were effective in keeping kids in line and helping them do well, Neff said.
However, today, we know that being a supportive and encouraging parent is more beneficial. (When you’re told you’re a failure, the last thing you think you’re capable of is succeeding, or even trying.)
Self-compassion acts like a nurturing parent, she said. So even when you don’t do well, you’re still supportive and accepting of yourself. Like a kind parent, your support and love are unconditional, and you realize that it’s perfectly OK to be imperfect.
This doesn’t mean being complacent. Self-criticism tears us down; it presumes that “I am bad.” Self-compassion, however, focuses on changing the behavior that’s making you unhealthy or unhappy, Neff said.
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Man kan lese til øyet blir stort og vått, men å gjennomføre dette i praksis er ikke alltid lett. Man skal være sterk for å være svak for å si den sånn. Tror nok de fleste føler selvmedlidenhet i vanskelige stunder, og det er ikke enkelt å se at også andre har det vondt. Man vet det jo, men likevel; man blir litt blind. Men selvmedlidenhet fører ikke noe godt med seg, for man kommer inn i en ond sirkel med negative tanker.
Både i går og i dag har jeg hatt perioder der jeg har følt veldig synd på meg selv. Jeg har følt meg alene og ensom. Tror jeg blir veldig emosjonell i julen og følelsene fra ifjor sitter i. Tror også at høytiden forsterker de vonde følelsene. I tillegg er det lille Sofies 5-års dag i morgen - har en del tanker rundt den dagen. Men - jeg klarte å komme meg ut en liten tur! Den ble ikke så lang som jeg ville, men jeg måtte si til meg selv at det var bra nok. Det er ikke så lett det der... jeg klarer liksom ikke gjøre ting bare halvveis, det er jeg ikke fornøyd med. Så nå trener jeg på å være fornøyd med det jeg faktisk klarer. Nå tenkte jeg å lage meg en kopp te - fordi jeg fortjener det :)